


Do computers count stars to go to sleep?

by Its_Raineing_Words



Category: Star Trek
Genre: AI, AI!Spock, Alien Cultural Differences, Alien Technology, Arguments, Attraction, Awkward Crush, Banter, Basically all the developments, Bisexual James T. Kirk, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexuality, Bones is So Done, Chaptered, Character Development, Christopher Pike Lives, Computers, Crew as Family, Cultural Differences, Dammit Jim, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, Dialogue Heavy, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Epic Friendship, Eventual James T. Kirk/Spock, First Meetings, I always write a tonne of dialogue haha I just love it, James T. Kirk & Leonard "Bones" McCoy Friendship, Jim is a Little Shit, M/M, Outer Space, POV James T. Kirk, POV Male Character, Sarcasm, Sarcastic Bones, Sarcastic Spock, Sassy, Teasing, Technology, Young Jim, eventually
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-21 19:59:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17648924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Its_Raineing_Words/pseuds/Its_Raineing_Words
Summary: James T. Kirk is the youngest captain in Starfleet history and now the guinea pig for new Vulcan AI technology, something to replace the post of First Officer, in fact, named Spock.Jim struggles to adapt to this new technology and questions of identity and sentience are raised.And yes, the title is based on Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep.





	1. Chapter One

James T Kirk stared on incredulously at Admiral Pike as he spoke, feeling out of place in the opulent office some 60 floors up in one of the main Federation buildings in San Francisco, “I’m going to be a Captain?”  
“I did just say that, yes. You’ll be posted on the Enterprise, my old ship. It’ll be up to you to source your own crew, of course, though I was told to inform you of one thing.”  
“And what’s that?” He asked, brows furrowing slightly.  
“The Enterprise will be the flagship for a new AI technology created by T’Plenni Loren, one of the professors of Computer Technology at the VSA. It has its own personality and it’s supposed to help you make better decisions by providing massive amounts of data, apparently, T’Plenni gave her AI a personality so that a non-Vulcan Captain would be more likely to listen to its advice,” He said, rolling his eyes, “Though apparently the personality is based on an amalgamation of 10,000 Vulcans so it amounts to the same thing really.”  
“And will I be...working with this new AI?” He asked.  
“You will be, yes. Though you won’t be the only one, Spock will be interacting with all the senior officers on the ship as well as sending out memos to other members of the crew as and when it’s deemed appropriate.”  
“Spock? What does it stand for?”  
“Nothing,” Pike laughed, “It’s just a Vulcan name. T’Plenni thought that giving the AI a name would ‘help the Captain to bond with the AI and so work more efficiently’.”  
“Why wasn’t I able to pick the name? I feel like I should have been able to pick the name. I would’ve gone for something like Sasha or Alexi-something sexy,” Jim said, picking a piece of lint off of his trousers, he still wasn’t used to his uniform even though he’d been wearing it for months. He supposed he’d have to get used to his Captain’s uniform soon.  
“Well since the AI is male I don’t think that would’ve worked out.”  
“She gave it a gender too? That’s not very Vulcan,” Jim complained.  
Pike chuckled, “No, it’s not. However, I was ‘reliably informed’ that the sole reason it has a personality, name and gender is for your benefit.”  
“Really? I’ll have to be the judge of whether it’s actually of any use or not.”  
“I’ve seen it in action and whether you get on with the thing or not, it’ll be useful to you. There’s a reason it’s taking over the position of the first officer after all.”  
“What? That’s ridiculous! How on Earth is it meant to go on missions?”  
“The AI can easily be loaded onto a communicator or a watch or something like that, Jim. T’Plenni wanted to make sure that her AI could have access to as much first-hand information as possible apparently,” Pike replied.  
“Apparently?” Jim asked, raising an eyebrow.  
“Well according to her incredibly detailed instructions,” for the first time Jim saw his mentor sigh and roll his eyes to the heavens and it made him chuckle inwardly, “it is paramount Spock stays with you as much as possible while you’re on duty which includes missions. So she created a communicator which can sustain the AI on there, with limited capabilities of course, for six days of being continuously powered up...just in case you get stranded or captured or the like.”  
“Oh...well I guess that makes sense if the thing is meant to be my first officer,” Jim said, feeling strangely nervous all of a sudden. He could see where the conversation was going and if he had to interact with an AI that put his own intellect to shame he would prefer to do it when in his Captain’s uniform, perhaps it would lend him confidence. It might also make it feel like less of a test.  
“You’ll learn all about him soon enough, you see my computer over there?” He gestured to the wall next to a glass window of the other side of the hilariously large office. Jim nodded, frowning slightly at Pike’s use of the word ‘him’. “He’s been loaded onto that...go on, have a look.” 

Jim walked slowly over to the computer, hoping that if he walked slowly enough he’d never get there. But even though Pike’s office was large, it certainly wasn’t infinite and he soon found himself in front of the computer which looked to be turned off or sleeping. He waved his hand in front of the screen and it lit up but instead of the usual Federation logo flashing across the screen the letters VSA moved slowly across. Those letters were soon followed by five more: Spock. Jim found himself mouthing the name as he read and reread it but soon enough those letters too faded away only to be replaced by something much more interesting.  
“Oh, wow...you’re...not what I expected…” Jim breathed, his whole face feeling slack. Pike snorted in the background. In truth he hadn’t known what to expect but it certainly hadn’t been striking dark eyes framed by the signature slanted eyebrows of the Vulcan race, the rest of his face soon drew Jim’s attention: plump lips, strong nose, sharp and high cheekbones, the slightest hint of a green flush-as if there was truly blood flowing beneath his skin. Jim was just beginning to look at the lines of the AI’s neck which were as low as the image went when Spock spoke.  
“What exactly were you given to expect? My face was created by combining various Vulcan faces together to create an average and then altered slightly to give it a more Terran appearance; the lips, for instance, are more full than any Vulcan’s as I’m sure you noticed given how you were staring,” Jim felt his chest seize up in embarrassment, “My creator felt that having a combination of the two would bridge the gap between our cultures better,” Jim noted Spock’s voice which didn’t sound like any AI he’d ever interacted with before, the words didn’t seem haphazardly stuck together, quite the opposite in fact. If he listened carefully he could even hear slight inflexions of amusement, he would have thought he’d imagined it but he’d spoken to enough Vulcans to know that even real ones barely let any emotion into their voices or mannerisms so it was a safe bet to assume it was the same for this AI. So far Spock was eerily lifelike, Jim was reminded of a movie he’d seen once while on a date though he’d never gotten to the end as he’d been…distracted.  
“Your culture? You’re a machine program, do you...identify with Vulcan culture?” He asked, unsure.  
“Of course I do. I was created with a personality as I’m sure you have noticed, even in the slim possibility that you weren’t told already. My personality was based on Vulcan ideals and as such, I was programmed with the entirety of Vulcan history and language, Vulcan culture and traditions as well as the tenants of emotional control and meditation-not that I need such things as I was programmed without emotions. The lens through which the world will see me is as a member of the Vulcan race,” the image of him widened from just a head to a full torso as Spock gestured to his delicately pointed ears with slim fingers, “so why should I not see myself that way also?”  
“You have a point there,” Jim breathed, feeling chastised somehow, “It’s good to have an identity, though not one that makes you feel superior to another, of course,” he didn’t know why he felt the need to say that, perhaps out of self-preservation.  
The pixels that made up Spock’s far too symmetrical and elegant face pulled together in a slight frown, “You’re imbuing me with too much sentiment, Captain. I am incapable of feeling ‘superior’ as you put it.”  
From the expression on the AI’s face Jim couldn’t help but disagree, “I stand corrected, then,” he had expected Spock to reply but the AI didn’t do so, feeling rather spurned and awkward, he turned around to face Pike, “Well...that AI certainly is something…”  
“Indeed. You can see how it could help you though, right?”  
He hummed, “I suppose, though I still don’t see why I can’t have an actual First Officer.”  
Spock spoke from behind Jim’s back, making him jump, “Because the Federation is eager to utilise its relatively friendly relationship the VSA to gain access to their far superior technology. I am a test of sorts, to see whether the Federation can use the technology properly,” Jim snorted derisively, “In addition, I can do anything that a flesh and blood First Officer can do as well as many things that they can’t or wouldn’t. Does my explanation satisfy you, Captain?” Spock sounded sarcastic which made Jim question the AI’s supposed lack of emotions again. Besides, how can something even have a personality without emotions?  
“It does...Spock,” he swiftly turned to Pike, “Is that all you wanted to talk about?”  
“I’ve sent you all the relevant documents that you’ll need to sign, as well as copies of some of the logs from my days as Captain. I thought they might interest you as well as informing you of what the position actually entails.”  
“But...those logs are top secret!” Jim hissed, very aware of Spock’s presence. Would the AI report them? Who was it loyal to?  
“That’s true, however, I declassified them-don’t worry,” he replied.  
“Oh, that’s good, then...well, I’ll leave you to it,” Jim said awkwardly. After a brief handshake and the exchanging of some more pleasantries he left. Still feeling odd about being the Federation’s guinea pig for the VSA’s new AI technology. 

The next few days were filled with Jim pulling in every favour and connection that he had made in the academy to make sure that one, he had the best crew possible and two, none of them ended up getting into a fight and killing each other in the long missions that they would be embarking on. Jim had managed to somehow convince Bones, his best friend and first-rate doctor, to join him on the Enterprise despite his fear of space-a feat in and of itself. Scotty was also a valuable addition as he and Jim had been communicating via sub-space communications about various topics ranging from how to improve of warp speed technology to influential 19th-century folk artists. Uhura was another invaluable addition as she had been top of her class in linguistics and sub-space communications, they didn’t get on terribly well but she was the best and Jim would only have the best on his ship. Sulu came recommended and so after a brief background check, both of the computer systems and by asking around the campus, Jim decided Sulu was a standup guy and a good addition to the Enterprise. Chekov was a bit of a wild horse, the youngest member of Starfleet ever but Jim had read some of the papers that he had published and the boy was incredibly smart and better yet, an independent and free thinker and not just someone that absorbed everything he was shown without developing it for himself. 

Jim counted himself incredibly lucky that they had all agreed to join him and work under his authority, as the youngest captain in Starfleet history Jim knew full well how much of a risk they were taking with their careers by attaching themselves to him; he was grateful to everyone right down to the last engineer and cook.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim's first day.

Jim had been counting down the days until it was time for him to take over the Enterprise with a mixture of excitement and dread. He had listened to all of Pike’s captain’s logs with rapt attention, hearing about his adventures had been amazing but also just finding out more about the day to day running of a space ship was also invaluable to him. He had learnt a lot at the Academy, of course, but there was a lot that he didn’t know, things that he knew could only be learnt the hard way. 

Now that it was time for him to start his five-year-long mission with the Enterprise, his first but hopefully not his last mission, Jim found himself feeling like he was dreaming. None of it felt real, not as he put on his gold tunic, not when he made his way to where the Enterprise was being docked, not even when he saw his bridge crew in front of him actually saluting as he passed. Jim only really felt like he was truly the captain when he was sat in the captain’s chair on the bridge.   
“Punch it, Sulu!”   
“Aye, Captain!”   
The Earth pulled away from them as they blasted off and was soon replaced by the inky blackness of space.   
“Follow predicted course, set engines to warp speed,” Jim said, sounding more confident than he felt, “Uhura, let the base know that he lifted off with no complications.”

After that things started to speed up and Jim soon found himself too preoccupied with all the workings of becoming captain to be worried about his performance.   
“Destination will be reached in 4.23 Earth hours if we continue at our current speed, I suggest increasing it to warp II,” a voice came from his console and Jim sighed to himself, he had forgotten about Spock.  
“I was just about to do that,” Jim replied grumpily, he didn’t like having a computer judging all of his decisions in real time.  
“I was merely offering you my expertise.”  
Spock even had the nerve to sound sad, that Vulcan lady that had created him really had some nerve or a sick sense of humour, one of the two.   
“Sulu, increase speed to warp II,” he said reluctantly before hissing to low that the other members of his crew wouldn’t be able to hear him, “I didn’t say that because you told me to.”  
“Of course, Captain,” Spock replied, face blank.  
Jim sighed and leaned back in his chair and rubbed a hand over his forehead, this AI was going to be the death of him, he just knew it. 

The rest of the shift was blessedly uneventful and Jim soon found himself in his quarters with a box full of things to unpack and a lot on his mind. He commed Bones.  
“Fancy coming round? I have a bottle of scotch with our names on it, we could see our first day in right.”  
“Jim…” He sighed and Jim could see just how tired he looked, “I have a lot of paperwork to do.”  
“Please?” Jim flashed him his most effective puppy dog eyes.  
Bones melted as always, “Fine, I’ll be round in a bit, don’t drink it all without me or I’ll hypo you and don’t think I won’t.”  
“You need a reason to hypo someone,” He pointed out indignantly.  
“Not when you’re the CMO you don’t,” Bones said before hanging up and leaving Jim to himself.  
“Fine,” Jim muttered to himself, “I’ll just organise my book collection.”

Jim hadn’t known which books to bring so he had taken almost all of them. It was stupid, really, as he had nearly every book that had ever been written by anyone of any race on the Starfleet databases, free and able to be read at a touch but there was something about a real book that couldn’t be replaced. Something about curling up with a book at the end of a long day that Jim would have missed otherwise. As he set to work putting them away, only loosely organised into fiction and non-fiction and by series, it gave him time to mull over his shift. It had gone well, no mistakes and he had even managed not to make a fool of himself and he had clearly chosen correctly when it came to his crew and yet….and yet there was Spock. That infuriating AI that he had been saddled with, it was far too efficient. It almost made him nervous. And besides, why would they give it a personality and face and facial expressions, anyway? Surely just to annoy and frustrate him. Having a crush on a subordinate was bad enough, that would only be worse if said subordinate was not sentient. Jim felt like those people that fucked their cars. And don’t get him wrong, he liked to get freaky but this was a bit much, even for him.

The title of a book caught his attention ‘The Teachings of Surak’, he had never had the chance to read it but it was from when he had been dating a xenolinguistics major back at the academy, it had been a gift from her. He wondered if reading it would give him any insight into Spock. He was meant to be based on Vulcans, after all, he certainly looked like one. Then he remembered, he could ask Spock about it. It felt wrong but then again Spock was a machine, he wasn’t going to judge him.  
“Spock,” he called out, knowing that the AI was listening at all times.  
“Yes, Captain.”  
“You are based on the Vulcan peoples, correct?” Jim felt better addressing the AI like any other computer, this was something he knew how to do.  
“Correct. As I mentioned before, my creator, T’Plenni Loren, wanted me to be a symbol of the Vulcan people so that I could be a precursor for further integration in the future,” the AI replied in an unnaturally even voice. Jim didn’t know if that was because he was an AI or if it was because he was based on Vulcans.  
“Do you speak Vulcan?”  
“Yes, among 2,000 other languages both spoken, manual and computer-based.”  
Jim sighed, “Of course. Do you follow the teachings of Surak?”  
Spock seemed to ponder this for a moment, “I have no need to as I have no emotions however...they are admirable and they help me to organise my programmes.”  
“What do the teachings mean to you?” Jim asked, wanting to know how it would answer such an emotion-based question.  
“I...they are about emotional control, about recognising your emotion and pushing it down so that you do not react on it before it can be properly examined and thought through. It is about control and understanding of one’s of mind, thoughts and emotions,” Spock looked thoughtful as he spoke and Jim wished that the display wasn’t just from the neck up, he wanted to see if there would be any body-language clues to give him away.  
“Interesting...I didn’t know that. I shall have to do some research,” he mused.  
“Would you like me to collate some data for you? I can scan through the Starfleet database and pick out the most relevant information for you.”  
“That would be good, thank you,” Jim replied before mentally kicking himself, why was he thanking a machine? “Separate the data into articles, books and videos and then list each in order of data content ranging from least to most.”  
“Done.”  
“What? But I just asked,” Jim said, shocked. Even the computer aboard the Enterprise would have taken at least ten minutes.  
“You forget, Captain, that I am the most state of the art technology that Vulcan has to offer at this moment in time. I am very much capable of performing a simple search,” Spock sounded a little putout but Jim ignored that for his own sanity.  
“Right...well you’re dismissed. Bones should be here soon.”  
“He will arrive at your quarters in two minutes and twenty-two seconds, Captain,” Spock replied before disappearing.  
“How did he know that?” Jim hissed to himself, weirded out by the whole experience.

And just like clockwork three minutes, later Bones arrived.  
“You had better not have been lying about that scotch,” was all he said as he barrelled past and into Jim’s quarters, “I’ve had a fuck of a first day, regretting letting you convince me to join this floating tin can already.”  
Jim pulled the bottle out from behind his back, smiling broadly, “Do I ever lie to you?” Bones just glared by way of reply, “Ok maybe sometimes but never about alcohol. And tell daddy all about your day…”  
“Stop referring to yourself as daddy, it’s gross. And besides, if either of us is the daddy, which we aren’t, it would be me.”  
“It would so be me!” Jim argued.  
“No, it wouldn’t,” Bones snapped back before sighing, “I am not having this argument with you again, it went on for twenty minutes last time.”  
“Spoilsport, but fine. Have your scotch. I need to tell you about that AI anyway, fucking thing is like something out of a movie, I swear to god.”  
“I know what you mean, the damn thing was talking to me about organising the sick bay’s memos,” Bones grumbled, “Not exactly the best foot to get off on if you ask me.”  
“I know, right? Isn’t it...he...kind of creepy to you? He’s almost alive, I feel like he has emotions in there somehow.”  
“Seems like every Vulcan I’ve ever met,” he replied, shrugging, “An emotionally barren automaton.”   
“I don’t know…” Jim pressed, “I think there’s more to it. Spock is so smart it’s actually kind of terrifying and when I talk to him I don’t feel like I’m talking to a machine. See? I’m even calling it a him.”  
“So it passes the Turing test? Doesn’t mean it’s alive and going to take over the world. Vulcans are very smart, too damn smart if you ask me. If anyone in the galaxy was going to be able to mimic life, it would be them.”  
“If you say so…” Jim replied, not convinced in the slightest, “Anyway,” he carried on, brightening up, “I didn’t call you here to discuss my fears about my First Officer with my CMO. I called you here to get drunk with my best friend.”  
“Well it’s a good thing I’m not working because if I was I would say that alcohol combined with the hypos you had yesterday will do you no good but as a friend all I can say is ‘good idea, I think I’ll join you in that drink’.”  
“You’re not a complete spoilsport, Bones,” He smiled.

Later that night when Bones had left and Jim was still tipsy he called Spock.  
“Yes, Captain?”  
“This book,” he held up the book his ex had given him, “Is it any good?”  
“What do you mean?” Spock frowned and raised an eyebrow, “You’re drunk, I believe.”  
“You’re damn right, and what I mean is will I learn anything about Surak by reading this?” Jim said, slurring slightly on the r’s.  
“I was read 50,000 reviews and according to them, it is a decent source of information, though not as detailed as people would like. There are ten books with better reviews, would you like me to compile them for you to read?”  
“No,” he sighed, “I’m fine with this for the moment, but add the books to my list from before.”  
“Done.”  
“Dismissed.”  
“Goodnight, Captain.”  
Jim was left feeling strange by that exchange, it had left him with even more questions than before. Questions that he couldn’t even begin to answer until he was sober.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is it possible to have an argument with an AI, well, Jim manages it somehow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been toying with Jim referring to Spock as it or him, I decided on a mixture of both as I thought that it would reflect his uncertain nature; I hope that comes across. Thank you for reading and I hope that you enjoy.

Surprisingly enough, actually being the captain of the starship Enterprise was shaping up to be the least of James T. Kirk’s worries if the last week was anything to go by. Spock was a nightmare and Jim’s research into the teachings of Surak only confused him more, surely Surak would not have approved of Spock acting like a snarky little bitch 24/7? Vulcans were confusing and not because they were an alien race as Jim got on well (a little too well according to Bones) with the vast majority of races. When Jim really gave it some thought it occurred to him that it must be because of the fundamental difference between the outlook of himself and the outlook that Surak preached. While Jim let his emotions run wild and free and shape his decision making it was the complete opposite for the average Vulcan, which of course included Spock. The repression of all feeling, facial expressions and reactions made Jim fundamentally uncomfortable. Maybe that would change with more exposure to such things but that didn’t help him at the moment. 

Jim thought about asking Uhura about it, she was bound to know. He’d caught her reading a book in Vulcan once and if she was fluent in Vulcan which of course she was as she would have to be for her job, then she would know a fair bit about the culture. Of course, knowing her and her attitude she wouldn’t help him but it might be worth trying at least. Then again, asking ‘how do you cope with when someone you’re talking to literally has no feelings or facial expressions?’ was an odd thing to ask, even for him. 

The thoughts stayed with him even when his next shift started and he began to plot out the course for where the Enterprise would go next. Spock was no help, of course, acting like his usual emotionless self and generally correcting Jim on everything he did or didn’t do. In short, it was very frustrating. Luckily for him, though, their next stop would be on a Federation colony that need supplies. While that wasn’t a big deal in and of itself it did mean that they would get to spend the day talking to new people and from what he had heard the planet seemed to be akin to Hawaii. So all in all not bad. Though perhaps it didn’t bode well that it had barely been two weeks and he was already desperate for some kind of break.   
“Captain,” Spock said, pulling him out of his reverie, “I have compiled all of the messages that you have received since your last shift 16.4 hours ago and have ordered them in urgency.”  
“Ugh I hate responding to the brass, they’re a bunch of jackasses.”  
“You must reply to their messages lest you get a reprimand or worse, miss out of crucial information,” the AI actually sounded like it was chiding him which really pull the captain on edge.  
“Oh fuck off, would you?” He hissed so none of his crew would hear him, “I’m a big boy and I can take care of myself.”  
One of Spock’s delicately pointed eyebrows rose, “Judging from your criminal record I would say that you have poor impulse control and you use adrenaline as a way to self-medicate. That is not being able to take care of yourself. Though it explains why you refuse to do even the simplest of tasks that are assigned to you. Clearly, you have some sort of hero complex and are trying to fulfil your dream of galavanting around the universe,” Jim stared with a slack jaw at the AI, he hadn’t had such a nasty verbal dressing down since his first meeting with Pike, “The sooner you realise that you have a job to do, one that doesn’t merely involve catering to your whims, the better.”  
Jim spluttered, face red with anger. He could believe that he was about to get into an argument with a computer, “You have no right to talk about feelings, you automaton. Last time I checked, I was the captain and quite frankly, I don’t give one solitary malnourished fuck about what some jumped up collection of Vulcan code thinks about me or how I do my damn job.”  
Spock didn’t reply, just managed to give him a scathing look without ever changing his expression. Jim knew without seeing the rest of his body that Spock’s arms would be folded tightly across his chest.   
“I could shut you off right now, Spock,” Jim said, the vitriol feeling immensely cathartic.   
“Are you threatening me, captain?” Spock managed to make the word ‘captain’ sound like the most vulgar of insults, “Because I am backed up on no less than 30 separate hard drives on six different planets and satellites and my memory is beamed to all of them every thirty minutes. You wouldn’t be killing me, merely inconveniencing me.”  
“Fuck you,” Jim retorted hotly, looking around to make sure none of the crew had noticed but they hadn’t. All of them far too busy doing their actual jobs, unlike him, he was having an argument with something that wasn’t even technically alive. Fuck, he’d really sunk to a new low.   
“Sexual intercourse is not on my list of duties,” came the snarky reply.  
Jim froze, anger draining from him quickly. Spock said it wasn’t on his list of duties, not that he couldn’t do it. What? What did he mean? Surely that word choice was very particular. He needed to get laid ASAP, he was getting a case of anger boner over a fucking AI. Albeit an AI with a face that would put a Greek god to shame, but still.   
“I’m turning off my console so shut up.”  
“I can manually turn the console back on from the-”   
But Jim had already switched it off. The silence was relaxing.   
“Yeoman Carmicheal, fetch my a PADD,” a few moments it was in his hand, “Thank you.”  
He set about replying to his messages from his PADD, there was no way he was going to turn the console on and let Spock have the satisfaction even if it did take longer on the PADD.

Spock was meant to have no emotions but it had deliberately riled Jim up, what sort of purpose could that possibly serve? His own amusement, perhaps? Fuck, he was really losing it but that damn AI wasn’t helping in the slightest. He set a mental reminder to contact Bones once his shift was over, he needed a drink.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bones is a sarcastic bitch and Spock is surprisingly helpful.

Jim continued to stress about Spock if he would have known how much Spock would make his life miserable aboard the Enterprise he wouldn’t have taken the job. Ok, he probably still would have but Bones was no help, of course.   
“So the AI is a little shit? I could have seen that coming a mile off.”  
“He’s making my life a living hell!” Jim protested, he really wished he had a more empathetic best friend but it was too late to swap now.  
“We all have to work with people we don’t like,” Bones began but Jim interrupted him.  
“Spock is not a person, it’s a machine.”  
He put his hands up to placate him which only frustrated the Captain more, “Either way, you still have to work with the thing. The best thing you can do is learn to work together with it.”  
“Or...I just try and get it taken off of the ship and get an actually alive First Officer.”  
Bones shrugged, “Yeah, or you could do that. But whatever you do, you need to make sure you get your work done. If you get fired then I signed up for a five-year mission on this piece of shit for no goddamn reason, and if that happens I will kill you.”  
Jim snorted, shaking his head in familiar amusement, “I wouldn’t expect anything less.”  
“All I’m saying is that if you started acting like less of a child then maybe-”  
“Let’s not fight,” he said, rolling his eyes to himself when Bones looked away, “I only came down here to ask if you’d prescribe be a sleeping hypo.”  
“YOU want a sleeping hypo? You?” Bones asked incredulously.   
“I’ve just been having trouble sleeping lately,” Jim said and Bones waved his hand as if to say ‘I gathered that much, explain’, “My mind won’t switch off lately, it’s like how I was in the Academy before my exams. I feel like I have so much left to figure out…”  
“About…?” He prompted, going back to flicking through his paperwork.  
“Spock, obviously. I can’t figure him out.”  
“Ask it, or hack into it-whichever.”  
“That’s not what I mean,” Jim whined, he wished it was that easy.  
“Then what to do mean?” Bones asked, clearly getting annoyed.   
“I mean that I just don’t think that he’s merely an AI. There is something there, it’s alive or something.”  
“And you don’t think it could have just been programmed that way?”  
Jim sighed forlornly, “Perhaps but...I still have my hunch, ok?”  
“Yeah, yeah, you and your hunches. Anyway, don’t you have work to do? Cause I sure as fuck do,” he waved his hand, “Get out. I’ll see you later, dumbass.”  
“Fine,” Jim snorted, “bye, bitchface.” 

Pike called him during his shift, ostensibly to talk business but in reality, he just wanted to chat shit about his coworkers which Jim was 100% ok with, he certainly needed. Anything to take him away from the stresses of his own job.  
“Honestly, Marks can go fuck himself. He keeps acting like he knows everything about everything when over his entire career he’s only ever had three weeks of active duty,” Pike growled out, flipping his stylus around in his fingers absentmindedly as he spoke.   
“Well he is a massive asshole but you can’t really blame him for being an idiot,” Jim replied good-naturedly.  
Pike laughed, shaking his head slightly, “That is true. Oh yes! He wanted me to give you your report for how you’ve been doing.”  
“But it’s not time for my quarterly report yet, Chris.”  
He sighed, “I know but it’s...more of an unofficial report.”  
Jim leaned back in his seat and flicked his eyes over to Uhura who was looking at him intently and he was very glad that she could overhear his conversation from here, though there was a chance that she had tapped into their frequency.  
“Ok, hit me, chief.”  
“Well…” Pike began, looking vaguely guilty, “no one can deny that you get results but...a lot of the higher-ups don’t agree with your methods.”  
“Of course, they wouldn’t. God, it’s not like any of them actually have to do any of this shit, they don’t know about the sorts of things that I have to deal with, what all crewmembers aboard any starship have to deal with.”   
Pike snorted, “They sure as fuck don’t but they’re the ones with all the power here. Basically, they just want you to write up a report justifying what you did in the last mission and apologise.”  
“So grovel for forgiveness?” He rolled his eyes, he didn’t expect anything else.   
Pike shrugged, “Pretty much, yeah. I had to do it a lot in my time as Captain and I still do it now, it’s all part of working for the Federation.”   
It sucked but Jim knew it was the truth. The Federation had seemed like a shining beacon of virtue to him growing up, his father had died for it, after all. Now, however, he was seeing it from the inside out. He didn’t regret his decision to join but there were plenty of things that he had wished he had know beforehand as well. Like how it would be up to him to decide everything and to make sure that every single member of his crew was safe and happy; while he got the credit for a lot, he took a lot of blame too. 

Jim found himself thinking about what Pike had said long after their conversation had ended, long after his shift had ended, in fact. There was so much that he didn’t know about yet, so much that he needed to learn and yet...and yet he didn’t know what he didn’t know. Being the youngest Captain in Federation history was amazing and he never stopped being grateful for it but Jim found himself floundering under the pressure. He spoke to Bones about it but while he was his closest friend he didn’t really understand what he was going through. No one did...except…  
“Spock,” he said from his position curled up in his ‘reading chair’.  
“Yes, Captain?” The AI flickered into life across the screen opposite him immediately.   
“Do you...have opinions about things?”  
Spock frowned ever so slightly in what Jim guessed was the Vulcan version of confusion, “I don’t know what you mean.”  
“If I ask you about something, tell me what you think about it,” Jim elaborated.   
“Of course,” the AI bowed its head in assent.   
“I spoke to Admiral Pike today which I’m sure you know. He said that my superior officers have some misgivings with my style of captaincy, let’s just put it that way. What I want to know is what you think I should do about it.”  
“This is the first time that you have asked me for my help with anything to do with your role as Captain. I am gratified to see that you have changed in that respect. As for what you asked,” he paused then as if thinking though Jim knew better, with a brain that was that powerful he had come to whatever conclusion he had come to in nanoseconds, “You need to placate them. They have a problem with the fact that you aren’t doing things the way that they would like even though it is getting results which is illogical in the extreme, you have a 24.5% higher success rate than the average Federation Captain. Then again, humans are not logical as it has been specifically programmed into me to keep in mind.”  
Jim couldn’t help but laugh, “Of course, you’re Vulcan creators thought that you’d need to be ‘prepared for’ humans.”  
Spock shook his head ruefully, “I was not prepared nearly well enough for you.”  
His heart stuttered, he knew that Spock could not have meant it flirtatiously but that didn’t stop him from feeling oddly flustered, “No one is ever ready for me, I’m quite the handful.”  
Dammit, now he was flirting back, not that it was flirting in the first place. Ugh, whatever. He pushed the thoughts aside in time for Spock’s reply.  
“I think I am equal to the challenge,” his voice was so smooth and confident that it made Jim really wish that Spock wasn’t just an AI, it would make him feel less pathetic for one thing and less creepy for another.   
“Well? What exactly should I do, then?” He asked, feeling frustrated.   
“Do what Pike suggested you do,” Spock said and Jim rolled his eyes, “But…” he continued, “Do it your way: justify yourself, cite your results. They cannot argue with statistics.”  
“Fuck, does that mean I’m going to have to make a spreadsheet or something?”  
Spock blinked rapidly, “Done.”  
“Hmm?” Jim furrowed his brows.  
“The spreadsheet, I just completed it. I compiled all of the statistics for all the missions you have overseen as well as all the diplomatic work and battles you engaged in. I arranged it by the amount of materials gain, lives saved and relations fostered. I think that anyone that looks at this will have to respect you, regardless of their personal feelings.”  
“Oh wow! That’s amazing, send it to my PADD. You’re kind of useful to have around, after all…”  
Spock raised an eyebrow, “What shining praise.”  
“Was that sarcasm I detected there, Spock?”  
“I was not programmed for such things, whatever you interpret from my speech is entirely up to you.”   
“That was definitely sarcasm.”  
Spock did what Jim deemed his version of shrugging which was just looking up briefly. 

Jim looked over the spreadsheet Spock made while the AI looked on, face passive. While he hated all things to do with paperwork he couldn’t help but find the spreadsheet to be nearly a work of art, everything was laid out so well that it was easy to get a sense of the information without looking at it for very long; there were also pie charts and references from the logs of other crew members that mentioned him in a good light. Having his achievements laid out before him like that was enough to bring tears to his eyes, a neglectful childhood will do that to a man, but he pushed those feelings aside and spoke.  
“Thank you, Spock. If anything will get these sons of bitches off of my back, it’ll be this.”  
“It is merely my programming but…” he looked pensive for a moment, “I am glad that it will help you.”

Jim spent far longer thinking about that expression and what Spock had said that night than he would admit to anyone, even himself.

**Author's Note:**

> If you read this far I hope you enjoyed! I love this fandom and it's a pleasure to write these characters. Any kudoses, comments and the like are wonderful and very much appreciated.


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